The dating loophole

[zoetrope]

Yes, that's right, by accident. You see, two wily beasts of the male persuasion managed to find the ultimate dating loophole - one that resulted in an intimate meal followed by a night out.

The events that led up to this were as follows:

Weeks ago, via email:
divine_miss_j "My mates have suggested a night out at a comedy club. Wanna go?"

My vague, distracted reply was along the lines of "Sure, whatever".

Then, weeks later, also via email:
Me: Do we have a needle and thread anywhere?
divine_miss_j "Yes, try the bookcase... Boy #1 has been asking me about the plan for Sun – do we want to eat out or in the flat? This is what he thinks/wants to know:

Thinking about plan for Sunday. Doors open at CC 6.30pm. So something along the lines of a late lunch/early supper sounds tempting at or nr your place (so I can check out the computer). I think Boy #2 and Random Girl who are also both coming along to CC might be up for meeting for some late lunch too, if you're ok with this "

My reply was again vague and distracted, assuming at this point that not only Boy #1, 2 and Random Girl would be attending, but also... oh, I don't know, all J's other friends?! So I said yes to dinner at our flat.

And it was then that Random Girl and all her other friends mysteriously "dropped out" of dinner and it became just the four of us.

My response:
"OH
MY
GOD

No no no no no, this cannot be happening. Oh the horror!

Can we change our minds? Meet them there?

It's like Attack of the Mutant Boring Lawyers!

...Am I allowed to get inappropriately drunk?"

So, on Sunday, we refused to actually cook (I was strongly reminded of that scene in Coupling: inviting him over for dinner is like saying "Let's have sex and I'll cater!") so provided a basic lunch of cold nibbles and dips. So they showed up - with wine! - and we all sat in silence for a bit while they talked Lawyer to each other. Then they tried to make conversation with us, and it was so painful that in the middle of Boy #1's speech about something or other divine_miss_j piped up in desperation: "Let's play Scrabble!"

Two hours of near-silent Scrabble later it was finally time to leave the flat, and we caught a taxi into town (Boy #1 held the door open for J and I had serious trouble controlling my mirth) and went to a comedy club, which I have to say, was great, but then you really can't beat Paul Merton and Josie Lawrence.

And then, at the end of the night, Boy #2 (who we called Egg for reasons you'll only get if you watch Arrested Development) leant over me and cupped my elbow, saying seriously and with lots of eye contact "I'm going to the loo. Meet you by the door, okay?"

"Yes, fine!" I replied blandly, and then as soon as he was out of earshot hissed at Jane: "Egg's coming to the boil! We have to get out of here now!"

And so when he came back I think I said something along the lines of "Hi, yes, well, are you catching the bus home or the train because I think we're going to catch the bus which is in the other direction so I guess we'd better go now then bye!" and we ran out of the door. I wanted to shout "Freedom!" like Mel does in one of his crazy films.

So, yes, that was my experience of ending up on a double date by accident, and how men will take any opportunity to find that dating loophole.

Er, the end.