SOS

Help me. Am stuck at family birthday party. There is a marquee. And several drunken relatives. Have snuck onto computer in spare room as last resort. It is dial-up. My parents keep trying to make me dance with them. Send in retrieval squad. And several more bottles of wine. Just had to fake not being on the computer to fool drunk partygoers looking for loo. Please help!

ETA - Oh my God, now they're playing the Macarena.